This one has been hard to come to terms with but, I have to put it out there. The physical asana of yoga does not serve this current version of my body. No doubt, postpartum, I will return to my mat but right now my body craves strength-based movements that will support my transition into labor and healing beyond.
My usual power vinyasa is limited because, well, my very full pregnant belly is simply in the way and I've found a lot of the poses often found in power and vinyasa style classes are not supportive enough while I have so much relaxin coursing through my body.
No longer can I compress through my abdomen in the way I did before, it doesn’t feel good nor do I was to squish our little one trying to force it.
The added overall weight that my body is carrying feels uncomfortable on my wrists and joints.
Because of my love for power yoga, I’ve had a really hard time tapping into (virtual) prenatal yoga. I was so looking forward to building a community of other expecting mamas through weekly prenatal yoga where I could simply tune in. However, being at home just isn’t the same—it feels like there are so many competing priorities for my attention that dropping into the sweet subtleties that prenatal yoga offers just isn’t within my reach (yet! ask me again as I near my due date).
In many ways, I am mourning this practice that has carried me through so many ups and downs over the years. The many doubts have crept in:
Will I be the same teacher?
Will I want to teach?
Are my regular students going to return?
Has COVID-19 put an end to the studio experience?
Will my postpartum body want to go back to power vinyasa?
I’m not sharing because yoga is over for me but because this is just as much part of the practice as the physical asana. Being able to reconcile these thoughts with a new reality is where I am. I continue to meditate, trusting, and knowing this is what my journey looks like NOW.
I also know that my mat will always be waiting for me no matter the state I show up in; it’s the one place I can pour my heart and soul out and feel met, loved, and held. I find solace in knowing that my practice is continuing to evolve and exactly where it should be. Until then, you can catch me lifting and walking.
With deep love,
Paige